Episode 3 - Hope in the Heart of Grief: Navigating Waves of Emotion Without Being Swallowed
In our journey through life, grief is an inevitable companion—and it rarely arrives on a schedule we'd choose.
Maybe you've felt it too: that moment when loss moves through and everything else becomes quieter. A personal heartbreak. A collective grief. Or both, layered on top of each other like waves that don't wait for the first one to recede before the next one comes.
If a part of you has been thinking, "Why can't I handle this better?" or "I should be more resilient by now"—here's a gentle reframe:
Of course this is a lot.
In Episode 3 of IFS Enlightenment Snacks, I invite you to relate to grief not as a problem to be solved, but as a profound journey that unfolds in waves. For anyone feeling the weight of personal loss or the collective grief of our times, this conversation offers companionship and practical ways to tend yourself through turbulent waters.
Grief Doesn't Move in a Straight Line
I want to share something true about grief: it doesn't follow a map.
Grief can feel like a roller coaster ride—tender one moment, overwhelming the next, and sometimes oddly calm before the next wave arrives. This is especially true when personal loss layers with collective grief—the heartbreak of global events, ecological devastation, political upheaval, or witnessing suffering we cannot fix.
When collective grief seeps into your personal experience, it's not unusual to feel more overwhelmed than "makes sense." Your system isn't broken. It's responding to a very real accumulation of loss—some of it yours, some of it held for the world, some of it echoing losses your lineage never got to fully grieve.
Feeling overwhelmed isn't a sign of weakness.
It's your protective parts doing exactly what they were designed to do: notice when something is too much and try to help you survive it. The overwhelm itself is loyal—it's trying to keep you from feeling the full weight all at once.
By befriending your grief instead of fighting it, you can begin to allow it to move through you—without being consumed by it.
When Grief Needs Space to Unfold
After losing loved ones close together, I found myself in Costa Rica. The shift in environment—being held by warm water, different light, the sounds of jungle instead of my usual rhythms—gave my system permission to finally feel what had been waiting.
I let the waves of grief come without trying to manage them or "be done" on any particular timeline.
What I discovered: allowing myself to be with the emotional waves, rather than suppressing or rushing them, was essential to my healing.
This isn't about needing to go to Costa Rica (though if that calls to you, beautiful). It's about noticing: What would help you create even a small pocket of space to be with what's moving through you?
Maybe it's:
A weekend morning without plans
Turning off or limiting the news for a day or a week
Sitting by or in water, even if it's just a bathtub
Letting someone witness you without trying to fix it
Taking a walk where no one knows you
Grief needs space. And your system knows when it's safe enough to soften.
Small, Tender Ways to Resource Yourself
Here are some strategies that have helped me—and the people I walk with—navigate grief without becoming swallowed by it:
Limit news and social media exposure
When the world feels heavy, reducing your intake of distressing information isn't avoidance—it's resourcing. Your nervous system doesn't need another tragedy to prove that care is needed.
Seek nourishing inputs
Notice what actually softens your system: herbal tea, a warm bath, music that lets you cry, a walk without your phone, the smell of something familiar and comforting. These aren't indulgences—they're medicine.
Connect with safe others
Grief is not meant to be carried alone. Reach out to someone who can simply be with you—not fix you, not rush you, just witness. Sometimes being seen in our grief is what allows it to move.
Gentle somatic and mindfulness practices
Even 60 seconds of placing a hand on your heart and breathing can help you stay connected to your body while grief moves through. You don't need a meditation cushion or a perfect practice—just a willingness to notice.
What I've Learned About Grief
(That I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner)
Throughout this episode—and in my years of walking with grief, both my own and others'—a few core truths have emerged:
Overwhelm is a protector, not a flaw
When you feel overwhelmed by grief, a part of you is trying to help. It's often trying to keep you from feeling the full weight all at once. You're not failing—your system is being loyal.
Collective grief is valid, and boundaries are essential
You don't have to carry every heartbreak you witness. Setting boundaries around news, social media, and even certain conversations is not selfish—it's how you stay available to your own healing and the people closest to you.
Self energy can hold grief without needing to fix it
One of the most profound gifts of IFS is learning that you don't have to make grief go away to be with it. Self energy—your inner healer—can hold the waves, witness the parts that are grieving, and let them unfold without rushing toward resolution.
Being witnessed in grief allows for connection and healing
When someone can sit with you in your grief without trying to fix it, something shifts. You're no longer alone with it. This is part of why we heal in relationship, not just in isolation.
If Grief Brings You to Darker Places
I want to gently address the moments when grief becomes so heavy that you have thoughts of wanting to escape—wanting to not be here, wanting the pain to stop in any way possible.
If you're experiencing this, I want you to know: you are not broken. These thoughts don't mean something is fundamentally wrong with you. They mean your system is in distress and needs more support than it currently has.
Please reach out. To a therapist, a crisis line, a trusted friend, a spiritual guide—someone who can help you hold this weight.
Here are some resources if you or someone you care about is at risk:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 (call or text)
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357
You do not have to face this alone. And needing help is not a sign of failure—it's a sign of your system asking for what it needs.
What to Remember When the Waves Come
Grief is a journey, and while it can be overwhelming, it's essential to remember that we are not meant to walk it alone.
By allowing ourselves to feel and express grief, creating supportive spaces to be with it, and reaching out for help when needed, we can navigate this tender landscape without being swallowed by it.
I invite you to reflect on:
What resources do you already have that help you tend grief?
Who in your life can witness you without trying to fix?
What small, nourishing practice might your system be asking for right now?
These aren't questions to pressure yourself with—they're gentle invitations to notice what's already here and what might help.
Listen to the Full Episode
You can listen to IFS Enlightenment Snacks Episode 3: Hope in the Heart of Grief on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or watch the full episode on YouTube by searching @wildwisdomguide.
If grief, overwhelm, or tenderness has been moving through your system, I offer 1:1 Somatic IFS Sacred Journey work—a container to help you build resourcing, deepen into Self energy, and find inner steadiness without forcing anything to change before it's ready.
May your parts feel a little more seen,
and may your grief find the space it needs to move.
With warmth,
Shankari
