Personal power isn't forcing your way through fear—it's making space for it without letting it be the only voice

Maybe you've thought personal power means pushing harder.

Overriding your feelings. Muscling your way through fear.

I used to think that too.

But here's what I learned standing in my mom's house, surrounded by a lifetime of belongings we needed to clear out:

Personal power is something quieter. Something steadier.

What I Mean by Power

Personal power in this episode means:

I can hear fear without believing it's the whole truth
I can access steadiness and support even in uncertainty
I can hold both shakiness and trust at the same time

This isn't about forcing your way through. It's about making space for more than one truth.

The Moment Everything Shifted

I was standing in my mom's house—84 years of life packed into four bedrooms. My father passed away 10 years ago, and now my mom had moved out. The task ahead felt impossible.

And I notice what's happening inside my system.

My body tells the truth.

I feel this shakiness in my belly—a fluttery, unsteady, almost nauseous vibration.

And then internally, a part of me starts telling a story. It's projecting a movie into the future:

"This is too much. You can't do this. It's gonna get messy. You're gonna get hurt somehow. You won't be able to handle what's coming."

I can feel that part trying to protect by shrinking me down, condensing me into a small, dense ball in my belly.

I gave it a name: The "Too Much All At Once" protector.

I love that name because it's not shaming. It's accurate.

This protector says: "If you try to take all of this on at once, it will crush you. So the safest thing is don't move."

And honestly? That makes a lot of sense.

When You ARE the Part (Blended)

In IFS, we call this blended—when a part is so close that you're not in relationship with it. You ARE it.

When I get activated sometimes and I flare up, it's like: "I am all fire."

Not "a part of me is angry." But "I AM the anger."

And from that place, there's no space. No perspective. No Self-energy to guide.

The first move isn't to overpower the fire.

It's to create enough space to say: "Oh, hello. I see you. You're here and I'm here too."

You might even place your hand where you feel it in your body.

"Can you feel my hand? I'm right here with you."

This tiny shift—from "I am it" to "I'm with it"—is where Self-leadership begins.

Orienting: Bringing Yourself Back to Now

And then something else comes online.

Another voice. Another energy.

Not the voice that says "stop being ridiculous."

Not the voice that tries to argue fear into submission.

But a voice that feels curious, kind, spacious.

And it says: "What if we try trusting the process? What if we're actually safe right now in this moment? What if there's no problem to solve right now?"

So I do something simple called Orienting.

I look around. I let my eyes actually take in the room—the light, the floor under my feet, the fact that in this exact second, no one is attacking me. My needs are taken care of. I'm okay.

I take a bigger inhale and sigh it out.

I can feel it around me, that larger presence that holds me. That loving, boundless awareness that is always here when I can just take a moment and drop into it.

Self-energy.

Fear Lives in the Future

Here's what I noticed: Fear parts often live in the future.

They're trying to solve anticipated future pain right now.

It's not even here yet. It's anticipated.

We don't even know if it's actually gonna happen.

But the fear protector is in the future trying to fix it right now.

Your nervous system needs present-time data.

When you orient, you're giving your system information it can trust: "Right now, we're okay."

Make Room for More Than One Truth

The important part is this: The fear and unsteadiness are still there.

But now they're not alone. And they're not the only thing.

There's fear AND there's steadiness.

There's shakiness AND there's a growing belief: "I will be okay. I can make it through uncertainty."

I can see so clearly that fear is a part of me, a protector. It wants to be felt, understood, loved, cared for.

But it is not all of me.

And when I can hold both polarities—fear and trust—my whole system feels more spacious. A feeling of relief. I can settle into the ground of being.

That is what I mean by summoning personal power.

The point isn't to replace fear with confidence.

The point is to make room for more than one truth.

That's power.

A Practice You Can Try

When fear tries to drive the bus, try this 4-step micro-practice:

1. Name the protector
"Too much all at once," "The one that says I can't handle it," etc.

2. Unblend
"Can you step back a little so I can be with you?"

3. Orient
Look around. "Right now, am I okay? Is there a problem to solve?"

4. Invite support
"Is there any steadiness available, even 1%?"

Most often the answer is: There's uncertainty. There are tasks. There are feelings. There are parts activated.

But right now, I am safe enough.

That's not bypassing. That's present-time data.

And it can shift everything.

Who's Driving the Bus?

I can listen to fear without letting it drive the bus.

And let me tell you—when fear's driving? It's a very bumpy ride.

What we're looking for is self-leadership. Your Self-energy driving the bus of your system—with all your parts in it.

Not getting rid of fear. Not making protectors disappear.

Just making sure the right part is steering.

That's personal power.

Personal power isn't the dramatic leap.

Often, power is the next doable breath.

It's creating enough space to say: "Fear is here. And I'm here too."

It's recognizing that you contain more than one truth—and you have the capacity to hold them all.

Not by force. By presence.

Listen to the Full Episode

Ready to dive deeper into this practice?

Listen to Episode 5: "Summoning Your Personal Power" on Apple Podcasts | Spotify or search @wildwisdomguide on YouTube.

Want guided support with this work?

If your system needs support with Orienting or unblending practices:
Unwind & Unblend: 3 Short Practices to Soothe Your Nervous System - Get it free.

If you're ready to practice holding both/and instead of either/or:
Explore 1:1 Somatic IFS work with me.

Episode 5: Summoning Your Personal Power – When Fear Tries to Drive the Bus